I’m a New Yorker. Well, I grew up Westchester County and currently live in Weehawken, NJ, but that’s only because I have a rent controlled apartment in which I’ve lived for 16 years now – cold dead body and all that that -  unless I’m lucky enough to find a comparable place in Manhattan which doesn’t seem possible, but I digress…I’m stayin’ where I am, but I consider myself a New Yorker. I work at one of the busiest Hotels in Times Square and the oldest continuously running cabaret theatre in New York City, I earn my money there and spend my money there, so I’m from there.

Anyway, I digress….

I’ve been a long time subscriber of your magazine, I’d go so far as to say it  is one of my favorites if not my favorite weekly periodical. I always feel more connected to the comings and goings-on of my city after tearing through you. I feel a wee bit more cosmopolitan; as if I were, in the know.

I keep hoping to be in the right place at the right time to be seen in the Vulture Pages; I’ve eaten at restaurants recommended by Oliver Platt’s brother and your listings section is the end all and be all of what’s going on around town.

But again, I digress…

I LOVE NY

I’ve been working aboard a cruise ship for over a year and a half; I’m sailing the seven seas singing-out as I visit cities around the world – cities which are nice, but don’t quite measure up to the greatest city of them all.

When I left, I put my subscription on hold. No need killing trees while I was away, and yet I’d scour the local magazine stands whenever we’d visit an American port – sometimes succeeding in my quest mostly not – finding a New York Magazine in St. Petersburg, Russia or Fanning Island, Kiribati isn’t an easy task.

So, I digress again, I recently discovered your iPad application, and noticed that you offered current subscribers free access to the full magazine by way of the app.

What!?!

Where was I when this started? Peru, at the Nasca Lines? Sailing through the Panama Canal? Scaling the Tower of London? Kissing the Blarney Stone in Ireland? Driving a dogsled in Alaska? White water rafting in Costa Rica? Gazing at the Mona Lisa at the Louvre in Paris?

I can tell you where I was when I found it, it was Norway, at the bakery, Goot Bread, where the bread is good and the internet is free. I discovered your iPad application quite by accident, but when I did…it took moments to download and before I knew it, as a current subscriber I had full access to the best magazine in the world via my iPad.

I downloaded fourteen issues that day alone.

You helped me feel connected again. To New York City.

I devoured four issues that sitting with my good bread from Goot Bread, I felt compelled to write this note of thanks.

Thank you for still being there, for still reporting on NYC while I wasn’t there; we New Yorkers like to think the city stops when we’re not there…but secretly accept the fact that it doesn’t, it wouldn’t be New York City if it did now, would it?

Lush

As I get older, I realize i need to take better care of my skin. As I’ve been getting older while traveling the world, your products have become my new skincare addiction.

I was introduced to your products by a coworker, a face mask here, a lump of soap there. A squirt of cream…I liked everything.

A stop in Ireland found me on my first Lush shopping spree. A buying pattern which continued into England, Ft. Lauderdale, Maui, and San Diego. I’m certain, your NYC stores will be on my regular shopping routes.

My Favorites:

Rub Rub Rub: I can’t live without it! It’s a sea salt exfoliator, or as they describe it, “a startling refreshing shower scrub.” I use it on my face, my hands, my entire body. It makes me feel like I’ve got a new skin.

Mask of Magnaminity: The “big green giant of a face and back pack. Deeply cleansing, toning and exfoliating pepperminty mask.Refreshes and brightens all it touches.” I use it on my face, scalp, hands and shoulders. When I use it after rub rub rubbing myself with Rub Rub Rub, I feel as if I’m in my twenties again.

Enchanted Eye Cream: While I believe eye cream is eye cream and there is no magical lotion to give one un-puffy, young looking eyes, but this one just smells and feels so, well, creamy. I don’t think there’s a major difference in my eye’s appearance, but I like the fact it doesn’t make my eyes water.

Ambrosia: The best, I repeat, the best shaving cream I have ever used, and believe me, I’ve used a lot of shaving cream. This product brought me back to the blade after years of electric shavers. I was suffering razor burn and ingrown hairs and just three weeks of using this product, the skin on my face has changed. I don’t have the annoying bumps at my neck line anymore and while I know it has nothing to do with it, my beard feels softer. All you shavers out there – but this product, you will not be disappointed.

Eau Roma Water: Toner, that doesn’t sting? What?

I’ve yet to pick a favorite soap. I want to try every one before making my decision and there are so many to choose from…

Listen Lush, I’m very brand loyal, and I’m your target demo; a gay man with no children and plenty of disposable income, don’t fuck it up and you’ll have a costumer for life.

Thanks for your time.

I just want to drop a quick note of thanks and praise.

I’ve been traveling, sampling the wines of the world; well, I’ve been working on a cruise ship, singing and dancing, which happened to take me ‘round the world, the wine drinking was just a happy coincidence…

Of all the grape I’ve imbibed, your Old Vine Malbec – Mendoza, Argentina – is the best. No really, in my opinion, just the best of the bunch.

Best wine for the money...

As the label states, “Diseño Malbec is a rich wine with an inviting bouquet of stone fruit. A hint of coffee complements the blueberry, spice and chocolate flavors.” I’m not sure what a stone fruit is…a stoned fruit is another story altogether…but the blueberry, coffee and chocolate flavors burst on my tongue, it probably helps that blueberry, coffee and chocolate are my three favorite flavors, well, those and blue….

Your adults-only drink pairs well with everything; from pizza to filet magnon, crab cakes to chocolate cakes, especially dark chocolate. A bite of dark chocolate, the darker the better, with a sip of Diseño sets-off fireworks in my mouth. It adds class to lowbrow fare and complements the highbrow.

So, thank you Diseño.

Keep bottling your Malbec and I’ll keep buying it.

I’ve already packed and shipped nine large boxes to mother’s house where they’ll be safe until my return. I’ve donated clothes and other home goods to the poor people of Fanning Island and handed out claims to the folks I’ll be bequeathing my home furnishings to upon my disembarkation. I plan to leave The Boat with a shoulder bag, a carryon and a suitcase. To make my load even lighter, I ripped all my DVDs and donated the hard disks to the crew office – forty DVDs vs one portable hard drive, the answer’s quite clear. I’m afraid I’ll have to rent a small truck to get everything back into 128 18th St. It’s going to be quite the project, moving back in and unpacking. Ugh, after packing comes unpacking.

So, what will I be unpacking?

I tried not to go overboard with buying during my time away.

I tried.

I didn’t succeed, but I tried.

I bought clothes in Europe, most of which was mailed home as mentioned above, it was autumn in Europe, no need for sweaters and long pants in Hawaii and the South Pacific but I’ll certainly need them upon my return. February in NYC, love it!

I bought office supplies and home decor and bedding in Alaska. Most of which has been given away or earmarked. I may have over purchased, did I really need two comforters? There are things I’m leaving behind for the next tenant of A048. I’m not bringing any of it home, I’ve gotten more than enough use out of my two dollar scissors and my fifty cent ruler…

I bought art from around the world; Nicaragua, Greece, Hawaii. Canvases, sculptures, wall-hangings and small objet d’art. I plan to redecorate the kitchen of 128, travel themed. Not tacky with lots of maps and crap, but all my treasures from ‘round the world.

I bought patches and key chains. The patches are in place on my nap-sac, the keychains already repurposed as Christmas tree ornaments – packed and sent home, hardly any room taken-up, it all fit into a free gift with purchase Calvin Kline travel kit bag….

I bought a lot which I have nothing to show; food, coffee – lots of coffee – hotel rooms, internet, excursions, alcohol and cigarettes.

I bought jewelry. A watch and ring from The Boat., A ring, a very expensive ring from Greece (a gift to myself, for eighteen months of service). Fun pendant necklaces from all over, but mostly from Peru. A very masculine Pearl bracelet from Tahiti.

I bought cologne. I went from one to ten bottles in no time flat.

My goodness! I’m gonna need to plan a stoop sale…

High school ended, I added CkOne. When Carrington was discontinued and I couldn’t find it anywhere, not even dollar stores, I added Jean Paul Gaultier – mostly for the bottle. What? The Gaultier bottle is hot. For the rest of my adult life, that was it.  The only scents I’d spray.

Now, after eighteen months, I’ve added to my collection of scents: Burberry Sport, Burberry London, Burberry Touch – I like Burberry, love London – Kenneth Cole Black, CkTruth…and those are just the favorites

I like to mix and match to create a unique scent that fits the moment being lived. And to answer your unasked question, Jew and Gentile Readers, “Yes. Yes I needed the over $500.00 in cologne because my life is full of unique moments, I can’t be expected to smell the same every time.”

Back to auditions.

Back to Weight Watchers

Back to The Duplex

In the mean time, let the wrap-up posts begin…

I just want to send a quick thank you note for making your delicious World Café Collection. Especially Italian Sweet Crème from your Italian Series.  As the label says the “…delicious flavors transport me away with their rich decadent quality and velvety smooth texture.”

As a coffee addict, adding your Italian Sweet Crème to my morning elixir makes my day start off a bit sweeter.

Italian Sweet Créme

Now, I understand your Italian Collection is inspired by the great pastry shoppes and cafés found throughout Italy, and as someone who has traveled throughout Italy and visited countless pastry shoppes and cafés, I can say, undoubtedly, that statement is not hyperbole.

The rich Italian coffee creamer makes even the worst cup of coffee taste better and believe you me, I’ve been forced to down some bad coffee lately.

I only have one question for you, why don’t you export your delectable product to Europe and South America? After months of travel I’ve discovered that while there’s some great coffee out there, there isn’t any good cream, I think you’re missing a great moneymaking opportunity, but what do I know?

When rehearsals started, the shows I was learning challenged me; really challenged me. I hadn’t moved in over fifteen years; the last time I’d sung in tight harmony I was singing first tenor, now, I’m a true baritone. I had to learn a new way of singing. I was scared shitless.

Every day, I thought I was going to lose my great gig.

The first show I learned was the “Girly Show.” For me, it was about acting, I was to play eight different characters. I did my best to make each one different, each one real. Well, as “real” as they can be when you’re directed to “smact” (ship-act) instead of act…but I digress….

The second show needed me being funny – easy, peasy.

The third and fourth shows, I had to sing and dance. I had to sing and dance well. ‘cause I hadn’t used those skills in such a long time, I was afeared I wouldn’t be able to deliver. Jew and Gentile Readers, there are things you know in your bones; and deep down, I know what I can and cannot do, and what I can do, I can do well. Even though I was filled with fear, I was challenged everyday.

Transferring the shows onto The Boat, learning to deal with life onboard and performing on a moving venue was challenging. Nine months later at the beginning of my second contract we had to put in the newbies, there were changes, it was challenging…I won’t say I’ve become complacent, but, I’ve become complacent. Doing the same five shows over and over and over and over again for the past seventeen months, it’s gotten just a wee bit repetitive and more than a wee bit boring.

As a group, in the dressing room, we psych ourselves up. We make sure that each show has the same energy and high quality it had when it began so many months ago. I wish I’d kept better track of how many cruises I did and how many shows we did, suffice it to say, we did a shit load…and right about now, I need a huge new challenge.

I drink a lot of coffee.

On my Grand Voyage, I’ve had the opportunity to drink coffee from around the world – of course, I could do the very same thing by sitting at a Starbucks, I feel, my way was much more satisfying. Colombian, Italian, Egyptian; lattes, cappuccinos, espressos; black, with cream, with cream and sugar.

The best coffee I’ve had the pleasure of drinking comes from Ecuador. A small, homegrown coffee plantation called Café Bolivar. In Manta, Ecuador at one of the better indigenous markets in all of South America, the owner sets up a small booth with nothing but the aromatic dark roasted beans, an old foot pedal-powered grinder and an urn filled with free samples.

He often sells-out early in the day – one visit to the market brought me nothing but disappointment as I arrived only minutes after he’d packed up for the day. I was jonesin’ over six months to partake in the crack-laced Ecuadorian morning, afternoon and evening drink.

Arriving in Manta at 8:00 AM, I was off The Boat at 8:45 to make sure I’d get my fix. To me, it seemed the Bolivar’s had just finished setting up when I arrived at 9:00 AM.

“Hola, me amigo!” I shouted.

“Buenos dias, senor.” he responded.

“You probably don’t remember me, but I was here about six months ago. I bought a lot of coffee from you before that, but you weren’t here the last time we came. I’m very excited you’re here….”

“No comprendé, senor…lo siento.”

“Lo siento. Never mind, may I have sis pounds of cafe?”

“Sis?”

“Si, sis.”

“Five dollars for pound.”

“Si. Sis. Trenti dollores. Que bueno.”

“Okay.”

He started up the grinder and behind me formed a line of people from two cruise ships.

“It the best coffee I’ve ever had.” I said to no one in particular

“Really?”

“Yep, and it’ll be the best five buck you spend all day!”

By 11:30 AM, Café Bolivar had sold out.

They don’t have a website, but I got an email address. I was told shipping is quite reasonable…

For the past sixteen months I lived a perpetual spring/summer. For most people on the planet that wouldn’t be a problem; temperatures ranging from the high sixties to the low nineties, a wardrobe filled with shorts, T-shirts, flip-flops and sandals. Frozen drinks on the bow….

But what I wouldn’t give for some snow.

Christmas just isn’t the same without it. Of course, I’ll make the best of it in Hawaii, but, know, Jew and Gentile Readers, it’s such a hardship.