Dear Diary,

We leave Los Angeles tomorrow, on Friday the 13th, a fitting day for us to fly, if you ask me, but no one’s really asking…I’m pretty much offering up the information.

Oh Diary, I’m so scared, well, excited and scared, it’s a whole new world, a whole new dazzling point of view – how many song quotes can I fit into one sentence? – I’m so excited! (for the record, that’s three.)

I’m all packed and ready to go, I wish we could’ve left today so we could’ve had some time in Seattle to get necessity shopping done but I’ll make do, it’s what I do.

I think I’ll get a manicure today, I can’t get on the Boat with rough paws, can I?

Best,

Vinnie

Friday, August 13th

Dear Diary,

We flew at 6:00pm – LA to Seattle – from my seat in First Class – again an upgrade was as economical as paying for my luggage and it’s overweight charges, I couldn’t not go First Class – I could actually see the Dorm get smaller and smaller, ugh, I hope I never see that place again!

It was an uneventful flight except for when my seat mate, a traveling nurse, offered me a Percocet!  I politely declined and instead ordered another free Bloody Mary.

Getting to the hotel from the airport was quite the adventure in and of itself; two hotel shuttles drove past us and all our luggage before one finally stopped; and when it did, it left a few of us behind. They were forced to wait for the next one but they ended up taking a taxi and beat the rest of us there by almost twenty minutes! After checking-in, around 10:45pm, and getting our free hot cookie, we made a Walgreens run to stock up on toiletries – it wasn’t sensible to pack body wash and other heavy personal items into our already overpacked bags, we’re working on a Boat, not leaving the civilized world – over a hundred dollars later and a trip to the lobby bar for a nightcap it was time for bed, in fact it was past time for bed. Calling the front desk to request a wake-up call for 5:00am at 2:00am is hard to wrap your brain around but falling asleep was hardly an option… the excitement of a new adventure was pumping my body full of adrenaline.

Well, that’s enough for tonight, Diary, Auntie’s reals tired…

I remain,

Vinnie

Saturday, August 14th:

Dear Diary,

My wakeup call came at 5:00am as requested. Three hours sleep is never enough, but I did it when I was younger and I’ll sure as hell make it work now. But one question, “Where’s the coffee?” I’m glad I decided to shower before bed – side note: that was the last day I’ll have a roommate, and while I had a great one, it’ll be fantastic to have a room to myself again, I’m all grown-up you know…

I’m outside with over fifty others with a year’s worth of luggage waiting for the crew bus at 6:00am.

We leave the hotel 6:45am.

It was hard staying awake but the butterflies in my stomach were doing a great job of keeping me from napping during the ride… as the bus pulled up to the Boat, and I’m talking right up to side of the Boat, I began to feel overwhelmed.

After a quick talk from the personnel manager and passing through the metal detectors we went up the crew gang plank. The first thing to do? A safety meeting, before anything else; when you’re on a Boat, it’s very, very important to know all the safety procedures, they test you when you’re new in fact, every available chance they can. All newbies were given a form with which they’re required to get signed off by various officers as we checked-off what was required of us, getting our name tags and ID badges, taking environmental tests, turning in our medical forms and proof of vaccinations, etc., etc.

I’m on the Boat – and to be honest Diary, there were a few days back there when I didn’t think I was going to make it this far – now, I’m moved into the cabin I’ll be living in for the next nine months, I’m unpacking and pretty much trying to get settled and for the first time is all feels real and more importantly, worth it and just right.

I’m living on a floating island, a moving city. Everyone else in the cast is in the theatre blocking the opening night bumper – I’m not in it – so I’m in my room cabin unpacking and getting settled.

We start rehearsing the Standard Show at midnight, I wonder if I can get a nap in?

I need to get myself to a Target and reals fast! When do we dock?

With excitement,

Vinnie

Sunday, August 15th

Diary, My Dear, Diary,

I fell like Madeleine, living at the Plaza. I don’t need to cook, I don’t need to clean my bathroom or make my bed or vacuum my carpet. Everything’s laid out for me, they won’t even let you “self-serve” on the Lido Deck for lunch or dinner for the first two days of the voyage to help combat the “norwalk” GI infections which apparently strike big Boats on a regular basis. I got my name tag and my cast member ID card, I’ve gone through all the new hire meetings and safety demos and now it’s time to put up the Standards Show.

Over the course of one day, we had a blocking rehearsal, a “heads and feet” tech and a full dress run, (tomorrow we do one more dress with the band.) Because we’re on a full Boat and there are other activities happening all over including the theater we can’t get rehearse during normal hours so it’s a lot of early mornings and late, late nights.

I’m still making my cabin as homey as possible, but haven’t had the chance to meet my cabin steward. I’d like to know who’s coming into my room cabin. I’d also like to let him know how I’d like things done, I’m a little OCD and I like things done a certain way…I mean, really, Diary, I’m very low maintenance and if things are done my way, there’ll be no problems.

I’m still,

Vinnie

Monday, August 16th

Diary Dear,

It’s a show night. Two shows in fact – we do two shows a night, 8pm & 10pm. Our theater holds 800 people – our passenger compliment is 1500, therefore the need for two. But the shows are just under an hour so it feels more like a first and second act with a reals long intermission.

During the Final Dress with the band the Boat docked in the capitol of Alaska. (That’s Juneau, if you didn’t know, I try to teach, it’s what I do.) The rumor is, if we do a good job, they’ll let us get off…

We’re getting off the Boat! Whoo Hoo!

First stop, Terry’s King Crab Shack for crab bisque, legs and cakes – as Rachel Ray would say, YUMMO!

The second stop was Fred Meyer’s – it’s supposed to be better than Walmart, but, really, not so much – to pick-up almost $200.00 worth of “necessities.” I swear, I needed everything I bought, well maybe not the black, leather-ette storage ottoman but, really, everything else!

I finally met my cabin steward, his name is Mouss’f  ”…but you can call me Max if you can’t pronounce Mouss’f … most guests can’t.”

I’m not ‘most guests.’ I’ll call him Mouss’f.

To insure good service, I tipped him twenty bucks and so far I’ve gotten everything I’ve asked for; from extra boxes of facial tissue to a guest chair, door stop and second trash can. He’s great, there’s something to be said for coming into your room cabin after a long day and having the bed made and fresh towels – these first two weeks are the “long days” afterward it’ll be smooth sailing.

The show was a smashing success. The audience response was amazing. My cruise-ship debut was great. I think the cast chemistry really makes any cheesy-factor disappear as we really look like we’re having fun up there because we are. The second show was taped and we were told the powers-that-be back in LA will be very happy with our final product.

It’s taken me a few days to get used to the rocking and swaying of the ship while walking – or singing on stage – but when getting ready for bed there’s nothing like it. It feels as if you’re being rocked to sleep, it may take me a little time to get used to sleeping without it when I get off..

As always,

Vinnie

Tuesday, August 17th

Dearest Diary,

I’m starting to feel a wee bit rundown.

The days are running together – immediately after the Standards Show at midnight,  we started blocking the Duets Show. I’m going to need to start wearing a watch – the duty and tax free store on board is wicked-awesome, mayhaps I get one in the ship, I’ve already bought some cologne, Burberry Sport, it’s very manly, just like me – since boarding, I never know what time it is.

Today was the first day we had some rough seas, which isn’t bad it feels as if I’m a baby being rocked to sleep but when I’m trying to be funny on stage or walk to the Lido Deck it’s just one more thing I have to keep in mind… “Must stay upright.”

I finished getting all the signatures on my nee-op card – tracking down some of the officers wasn’t as easy as I thought it’d be; since I’m new to the Boat, I didn’t know where everyone’s offices were – I guess that’s one of the reasons they make you do it, so you can learn where everything is…

Diary, this week is all about napping; the schedule is so messy the-powers-that-be give us breaks just for that purpose. Since there’s no porthole in my cabin (finally got that right…) – as I fix it up it’s becoming more and more a studio apartment, I’m going to start calling it “My Flat” – it’s real easy to sleep, a flick of a switch and it’s nighttime all day long.

We’re putting up the Duet Show today – I haven’t had much time off – but to be honest, it’s still better than waiting on tables or slinging drinks!

Exhaustedly,

Vinnie

Wednesday, August 18th

Diary Dearest,

On today’s agenda, a Duets Show full dress with the band in the afternoon and two shows tonight. I wonder how my number will go with the live band since I’ve been doing it with just a piano or a cappella… and I’ve never done it with a real audience member

Be right back.

My goodness, I love working with professionals, the band killed me with the way they backed me up and followed me everywhere I led them and again, my leads knocked it outta the park, tonight, I’m sure it’s gonna be awesome.

BRB, nap-time.

I feel like a cat; sleep, eat, poop, play, repeat.

Just like I predicted, the show was a huge success, The first passenger I pulled up was named ‘Love’ and from Russia – I’m pissed I missed the obvious joke, “So, your husband came From Russia With Love?” In my head, all I could think of was “What if she can’t speak English!” During the second show I pulled up a young gal from West Virginia, who was wearing her PJs, and yes, I got that joke right out, reals fast.

We have no rehearsal tonight, so I’ve got seven straight hours of sleep in my future. The first time in a while, I wonder what it’ll fell like?

Nighty-night,

Vinnie

Thursday, August 19th

D-

The Duet Show was amazing! The two leads, sing the shit outta it and if I don’t say so myself, my little specialty number is reals good.

Girls Show rehearsal, 8am to 2am, seven quick costume changes, with wigs and facial hair, no dresser. That’s all I gots to say… but it’s still better than slinging drinks…

So, so very tired.

-V

Friday, August 20th

When did I start keeping a diary? If my laptop wasn’t open…

What time is it? Where am I? What day is this? Thursday? Friday?

Who said that? Is there someone here? Am I speaking out loud? Where am I?

Oh snap, my hotel moving!

Must sleep…

What’s my name again?

Another two-show day, with a full Dress/Tech at noon – wait, stop the presses, just found out, it’s only one show!

Whoo hoo! Time for a nap!

We will return after these messages…

What a difference six hours of sleep makes.

I’m starting to get used to these wacky schedules, which concerns me just a wee bit ’cause when we’re done putting everything up and we’re just doing the shows there won’t be nearly as much to do; I need to get to a craft store and stock up – some of my regular readers are recipients of my hand-made greeting cards and I figured I wouldn’t have the ability to continue that tradition while on the Boat, but it looks as if I were wrong. Now, I wish I’d packed my supplies so I wouldn’t have to buy everything anew…

A nearly-near flawless run of the Girls Show at 9:30pm…

Everything I touched fell apart – not my songs, ‘ography or words, mind you,  I’m talking the set and even one of my cast-mates! The audience reaction was fantastic – a standing ovation, even – so I don’t think they minded I took-out half the set…

Tonight we drink!

Vinnie McBooze-hound

Saturday, August 21st

Diary, My Diary,

With the exception of a 5:45am immigration check for all new embark-ees, I’ve got nothing to do today!

It’s the last day of the first cruise and first day of the second, I have the next three days off while the rest of my cast does the opening night bumper and puts-up the Popera Show – neither of which I’m in.

Diary, this has been a whirlwind of a week and I gots to tell you, I think I could get reals used to living like this – traveling, seeing new sights, singing for a living, not having to clean my flat, fresh towels whenever I need them, free laundry services and dry-cleaning even. So far the only noticeable check in the negative column is the lack of a Starbucks, but my handy french press and in room fridge helps me move that over to the positive the column.

I may never go back and live on land…

Until next time, I am and always will be, the one and only,

Vinnie

you better work!

Yes, that is my blood, I threw that hat so many times it practically became a part of me… bitch ain’t getting dropped again!

Vinnie & Lorna

We got a real treat, when the one and only Ms. Lorna Luft came into rehearsal to offer us a master class.

When we got in, did a run of the Broadway Standards show and Ms Luft came in and we worked through the show again, song by song, note by note and line by line.

She directed us. She made us make choices. She challenged us to the point most of us had breakthroughs and/or breakdowns. The fact that she forced us to think about what we were singing – not just sing it – she forced us to make it bigger and forced us to connect to the audience. She reminded us to act, to own our material and to know what we’re singing about.

And through it all she dished. “Oh that one was written by my friend…” “My friend sang that with me… mmmm…” “Oh please, what a bitch…” She had us all in stitches the entire time she was working with us, well, at least the times we weren’t all bawling…

This was one if the best acting experiences I’ve ever had – a master class from a master performer – Lorna made all of us feel special, she made all of us feel important.

It was one of the most eye-opening experiences I’ve had as an actor, part master-class, part therapy session, I’m honored and thrilled to have had the opportunity to work with a legend and will remember every moment of it forever.

I feel as if I’m getting a whole education during this rehearsal process, I’m learning so much more than just song and dance routines, I’m learning a whole new way to be a performer.

And here’s the proof:

We still have turnover.

Two weeks of putting the shows on their feet with costumes and wigs and turntables and lights and sound – tech week x 20.

I love tech week, I always have, even if I’m only needed for five minutes while some big burly guy screams at me for wearing the wrong color shirt as he focuses a light on me… I’d rather be there than slinging drinks.

I’m really looking forward to it.

…And the sigh of relief that issued forth from the diva’s mouth was so loud that it was mistaken by some to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds which would often roll through the Schwarzwald with a vengeance!

I almost can’t believe we’re actually done: The Girls Show, The Duets Show, The Broadway Review, The Standards Show, The Game Show… all of it, done. we made it through - I made it through – mostly unscathed, a little beaten and bitten, but none worse for the wear.

There were moments I didn’t think I was going to make it, and moments where I thought I couldn’t give anymore than I had, but with a power I didn’t realize was inside me, I completed the task at hand and in my opinion, did a damn fine job of it. Now I’m where I want to be and who I want to be and doing what I always said I would…

A week from today we’ll all be on a plane headed for our final destination. My goodness can the finish line really be that close?

All I want to do is sleep. But it’s not over yet, we’ve got runs and runs and runs and runs, two weeks of turn-over… getting used to Boat living… there’s still much to do and now, no time to do it.

Since a lot of older folk take long boat trips, they need to be entertained with music they remember, right? Well, we’ve got ‘em! From Perry Como to Rosemary Clooney – wait, that’s technically  only “C” to “C” but, you know what I mean…

It’s got a lot of words and a lot of notes, with some very crooner-like, tight harmonies.

For those of you who may’ve seen me in any of the Cake incarnations, or just heard me speak, you may be wondering to yourselves, “crooner-like, tight harmonies? But, but…” But nothing! I’ve gone and changed my singing style, I’m no longer sassy, brassy Vinnie Costa, I’m blendy, covered-tone Vinnie Costa.

It’s a little different for me, but I’m starting to like it.

Don’t worry, Jew and Gentile reader, I’m not giving up the loud and funny Vinnie, he’ll still be around, he’s just retired for a little while; the last thing I want to do is blow out any hearing aids…

The Cast!

…we’ll be boarding the Boat in Seattle, Washington, Alaska-bound – oh my goodness, it’s almost time – all the hard work is about to pay off – nine months on the high seas, dog-sledding on the glacier, seeing the Peruvian Nasca Lines in person, taking the “Survivor” tour of the French Marquesas Islands. That’s the real adventure!

The Mayor is whom?

I’ve been interned at the Dorms in Not-So-Sunny Southern California since June 26th – 36 days now- some of my cast has been here longer, some shorter but that’s neither here nor there, we’re been through a lot as a cast; but every hurtle we had to jump brought us closer together. We’ve “bonded” as a group, a cast, an ensemble. We’ve become one cohesive unit, a super-power that will not be denied! I’d take cover if we ever decided to use that power for nefarious purposes…

The “powers-that-be” keep telling us we have something which can’t be taught, chemistry. And I have to agree with them. I believe the chemistry was there from the beginning; as each cast member arrived, those of us who were already in welcomed him/her with open arms and a family dinner. No one was ever made to feel excluded, or less than necessary to the ensemble of performers they’d compiled – as the AD told our two female dancers, “You’re not chorus, you’re featured. You’re as important to the shows as all the singers are, there is no chorus.”

The Multi-Cast BBQ @ the dorm

During most of this process there were three Boats rehearsing at the studios and living at the dorms – NOT all in the same apartment – the Westies, the Jean Claudes and us. The Westies got here about two weeks before us and the JCs about a week ahead of us. The Westies left today, flying off to begin the European leg of their tour. They’r four singers and ten dancers as compared to our six singers and two dancers. The  JCs are a show like ours, but with a Boy’s Doo Wop Show as opposed to our Girl’s Group Show, they live right next door to us and have had to put up with our late-night carousing and my projecting voice… they leave in a week and can’t wait to go.

The finish line is in sight, one more show to get on it’s feet and then it’s review week, a packing day, a travel day and then we board. Light a candle, say a prayer, cross you fingers…

No stress smoking.

No getting down on myself.

No self-sabotage.

It’s time to wake up and realize, I’m where I’m supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m Vinnie Costa, entertainer and damn-it, I’m near-perfect. It’s time to prove it…

Today and yesterday we had cast meetings, which really aren’t bad, we sit around a conference table to learn about the ship and ship rules and such… then, as I’m just about to leave – I wasn’t needed the rest of the day, it was a day off for me – they spring a surprise run of our Broadway Review on us.

We hadn’t had a brush-up in over a week and while I believed I had it all in my mind and body, I crashed and burned when I needed to soar. The run was for the AD who’d put together the show and knew all the choreography - as he was the person who came up with it after all, he’d know if we were messing up…

I dropped my hat -six times (!) – but kept going and kept smiling. But come on, I have six hat tricks and I dropped it each time! It made me feel like a rank amateur; it made me feel as if I should’ve been driven to the airport and handed a ticket out of town.

Now, I can throw out so many excuses; I wasn’t mentally prepared, I didn’t have my rehearsal hat, I’d had a drink with lunch, blah, blah, blah. But the fact of the matter is, I just wasn’t good enough.

I AM the weakest link.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I AM asked to leave.

I know I shouldn’t get down on myself, and yes I was hired for the skills I have and I know all the affirmations I need to repeat to myself, but what it comes down to is this: I need to work harder than everyone else if I want to be on equal footing and perhaps the simple fact of the matter is that I haven’t. I haven’t spent this week sweating, alone in the room going over dance steps or harmonies. I didn’t toss that hat in the air a thousand times until catching it was second nature.

If I’m not asked to leave, I’m going to do just that, toss that bitch until I can catch it with my eyes closed.

What I’m NOT going to do? Smoke the pack of Marlboro Mediums 100′s I bought because I felt the need to kick myself when I was down…