Los Angeles – Everywhere but the ‘hood!

I was shown a Los Angeles I didn’t know existed – I’ve spent most of my time in LA either at the rehearsal studio, the Sizzler or the “dorm in the ‘hood” without a car to explore, I had to rely on the kindness of strangers and there aren’t too many kind strangers in LA LA Land… I’ve been lucky enough to find one or two.

During one day off, a friend from college, Minda, took me all over and showed me her LA – which did not include a Sizzler; from the Valley to the Hills; down Hollywood Blvd over to Rodeo Drive; the Santa Monica Pier and back to the ‘hood – the one caveat? I had to take public transportation to get to her to begin the day. She’s just 17.4 miles away but according to Metro.net, it would take just over two hours to make the trip.

After two buses and a subway, yes, the land of earthquakes has a subway system – I held my breath the whole time – I arrived to open arms and a friend who hadn’t aged a day in twenty, um, ten years!

We started the day at her favorite brunch place,Vivian’s – in my head it Vivian Vance’s, but that’s neither here nor there – where we met up with Shannon, another college friend who looks better now than then – we are some hot 40somethings…

Vinnie, Minda and Shannon

I had a mini-grand slam, though that’s not what they called it, and it was sorta amazing. We caught up on what each of us were doing with our lives. It’s so nice to know when you haven’t seen someone in over twenty years you can jump right back in where you left off without skipping a beat…

The restaurant’s right across the street from Minda’s apartment in the “Valley” whatever that means – I still don’t understand how Los Angeles works; are they neighborhoods or cities? Is LA a city or a county? Anyway, I digress… after brunch we made a quick stop at Minda’s apt. so she could prove to me not all apartments in LA come with thousands of unwanted guests and then off we went in her wee beastie – that’s her car you dirty minded Jew and Gentile readers.

the hollywood hills

We started out on Mulholland Drive – where I kept my eyes peeled for David Lynch to ask him to explain his movie of the same name, listen, don’t make movies that make me feel stupid, ok!?!

I got my first look at the Hollywood sign from a distance but we kept climbing and climbing and climbing the hills until we could just about touch it. As we were making our way back down, we stopped at a lemonade stand run by the weirdest bunch of inbred kids I’d ever seen…

“Her mother married my father and then they had the twins.” The twins, Cali and Fornia were having a birthday in only ten days, they kept reminding us, I guess they thought if they kept telling us, we’d come back with gifts… The eldest boy poured us our blended lemon drinks made …”with lemons from our own trees…” and I wouldn’t doubt some mind altering drugs, because after we finished, we suddenly felt realllllly good.

the inbreds

It’s hard to see in the picture, but the eldest was swinging around a chef’s knife and insisting he wouldn’t cut his sisters but not very convincingly…

As we made our way down the hills to Hollywood proper, we passed by the Hollywood Bowl and iconic buildings like Capitol Records and the Kodak Theatre which I’d only seen destroyed in the Discovery Channel’s Life After People… it was nice to se them still standing.

We made it to Hollywood Blvd, and as I looked around at what I’d consider a weak rip-off of NYC’s Times Square – they both have a Madame Tussauds and their very own brand of freaks, but that’s pretty much where the similarity ends… I decided not to get out of the car and snapped pictures from the sun-roof, hanging out like a teen at prom in her first limo.

hollywood blvd

All the while I talked up the La Brea Tar Pits. I’m not really sure why I NEEDED to vist the bubbling pits of tar, but I really, really needed to see them with my own eyes.

You see, the tar pits have the largest collection of ice age fossils in the world, because , well basicially, when you’re a saber-toothed tiger and you get stuck in tar, you’re pretty much screwed and you ain’t goin’ nowhere! I didn’t need to go into the museum, the gift-shop sufficed, what I just had to see was the installation in front of the museum.

Three wooly mammoths, Mamma stuck free-floating in the pit while Daddy looks on helplessly and Baby cries…

NOOOOOOO!!!!

Yeah, what ever...

Minda wasn’t all that pleased… but, we did have a lot of fun in the gift shop where the worker told me – as Minda and I were looking for matching mood rings which we did not find, they didn’t have my size – the next day he was going to hear whether or not he was going to be getting his own talk show which Minda later told me, “everyone in LA is waiting for that call…” and I’d swear on a stack of bibles, I saw Wesley Snipes there, I know he’s had some tax issues of late but he had a real nice shopping cart.

With the one thing I NEEDED to do out the way, we were off to the Santa Monica Pier which I quickly renamed the Santa MonTica Pier – I just liked the sound of it, I’ll work on getting it renamed officially when I get off the Boat. Who knew there was so much beauty so close to ‘hood?

When we stopped to get gas and I saw some guy who was on an episode of Charmed and some girl I’m pretty sure played a missing person on Without A Trace and when we got to the beach proper, we saw Barry Boswick and his family just walking like normal people, which, I guess they are…

The beach was packed on the lovely Sunday afternoon and we walked from the pier almost all the way to Venice, weaving through the hotter-than-hot model types, the kite-flyers, the sand-castle builders and the folks who should really’ve been covered up until we hit upon the gypsy market.

I love shopping Hippy Markets but I never make eye contact with the vendors, ’cause if they get you, you’ve just got to buy something and I have more fun making fun of the shoddy craftsmanship.

“Excuse me?” Someone tapped my on the shoulder. “I just wanted to tell you, it’s so nice to see you smiling and hear you laughing, so many people down here take themselves so fucking seriously. This whole state needs to lighten up.”

“Fuck ‘em if they cant take a joke. Life’s too short.” I shot back as Minda and I skipped away.

I took video of the bus ride and beach experience, stay tuned for my pateneted Mini-Movies, coming soon…

Thank you Minda, for showing my your LA! It was a freaking awesome day!